Are you putting up with infidelity because you believe all “successful” people fool around? Don’t believe the hype. Just because your spouse or partner is considered a “celebrity” who is held in high esteem and is in great demand by many people in the community doesn’t mean he or she must take advantage of the attention and have affairs. On the contrary, it is important to remember that there are many couples who are proudly celebrating 25th Silver and 50th Golden wedding anniversaries who have consistently remained faithful to one another throughout the years — though they don’t get as much publicity or, sadly, as much misguided admiration as the more negative, stereotypical “players” who cheat on their partners. You can have a healthy, long-term relationship too and must start by expecting only the best.
Keep Your Standards High: Expect A Commitment
Whether you are dating or are married, you should expect your mate to be committed to you. This means supportive of your needs, ambitions and dreams, as well as faithful to you sexually. The belief that “All Men Are Dogs” or that “She’s Gotta Have It” and that you just have to put up with cheating can become a self-fulfilling prophecy when the entire community begins to accept this as “truth” and grants permission for widespread infidelity. Don’t feel desperate. You deserve to be in a relationship with a person who has the emotional and sexual maturity to control their behavior and to value the importance of the relationship they have with you. This requires mutual respect and reciprocity, as well as a strong commitment to the long-term survival and success of the relationship. Don’t settle for less.
Say “Later” if the “Player” Doesn’t Stop Affairs
Though some infidelity occurs because of sexual addiction, in most cases the individual is making a choice to have an affair. The headiness of success can cause some people to believe that they no longer have to follow the rules and that they can have the security of a relationship while enjoying others on the side, too. They get a lot of attention because of their great success and “celebrity” status, and feel compelled to take advantage of all flirtations and seductions simply because they are available. Many feel very desirable and in demand for the first time in their lives, and enjoy the role of being a “player” and the excitement of clever manipulations and mind games. Though typically the individual doesn’t take their flings seriously, these affairs cause great distress and devastation, especially once the indiscretions become known, and seriously betray the commitment made to you. Stop believing that this disrespect and emotional abuse must be tolerated because “that’s just the way it is”. Say “later” to the player if he or she won’t stop the infidelity or get help to learn how to do so.
Successful people strive for excellence in all they do – and that means letting go of some ego and instant pleasures to stay committed in their relationships too!
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About the Author:
Dr. E. Carol Webster is a clinical psychologist consultant specializing in Success Psychology.
She is author of the book for those dealing with the stress of success ―
Success Management: How to Get to the Top and Keep Your Sanity Once You Get There,
The Fear of Success: Stop It From Stopping You! ―
the book to help you overcome fears that may be holding you back in your life and career
The Private Practice of Clinical Psychology in: Voices of Historical & Contemporary Black American Pioneers
E. Carol Webster, Ph.D.
Your Success Psychologist!
Clinical Psychology Consulting
Mailing Address: 7027 West Broward Boulevard, #262 Fort Lauderdale, FL 33317