Is Your Mate Ready For Your Success? 

Posted by on May 1, 2003 in Success!Ezine For You



E. Carol Webster, Ph.D.
Original Copyright © 1998, 2003

Those on the fast track for success must take care to select romantic partners who understand their career goals. This may sound calculating, but many otherwise compatible, loving couples wind up at each other’s throats because of conflicting expectations.

The more successful you become, the more others want you and your time. That doesn’t leave a lot left over for those you love and who love you dearest. They must be strong, emotionally self-sufficient individuals who can move on with their lives and own accomplishments without needing your involvement every step of the way. They also must be willing to carry a good deal of the workload of the relationship, since a lot will fall on their shoulders. There’s not much you can do about the leaky faucet or mold growing in the refrigerator if you’re spending most of your time on out-of-town travel, for example.

This problem gets more complicated when children are involved and may cause you to feel guilty. Who’s going to make it to that PTA meeting or basketball practice? If you’re clocking in 12 hours a day at your business, chances are it won’t be you — at least not on a routine basis. Attaining higher levels of success means prioritizing and setting limits on the things you can and can’t do. It means rejecting the role of “Superwoman” or “Superman”, and expecting your Success Entourage to back you up.

  • Mobilize Your Success Entourage

It’s not only performers and athletes who need a Success Entourage. You need one too. These are people in your life who understand your daily demands and help you survive and thrive. Like the housekeeper who cleans once a week, and the day care center that watches the children after school. But, the Success Entourage also includes your mate and children, too. These important people in your life need to understand what you’re trying to accomplish in your career and help you do your best.

Your mate must be the type of person who is not threatened by your success — one who fills with pride when accompanying you to award banquets and other affairs where you are the center of attention — the star. This individual must help the children understand why you can’t always personally address their needs. Your mate must feel secure in your love and help them feel loved and safe in spite of your absence. He or she knows that what you’re doing is important to your success, and that the relationship will benefit, too.

Is your mate ready for your success?

Probably, if she or he does not:

  • Manipulate you with guilt by saying: You’re going to be late again?
  • Call your cell phone five times a day about things that could’ve been handled without you.
  • Have the children call to tell you how rejected they feel that you’re not personally attending to their needs.
  • Cop an attitude and sulk when your attention is dominated by well-wishers and admirers at a social gathering.
  • Toss the write-up about your latest accomplishment in the garbage — by mistake”.

Success should be enjoyable and rewarding.

Make sure that your mate enhances the quality of your life and is not a drag on it. Get counseling if necessary. If you’re not yet in a relationship, take heart: There are potential mates out there who are secure about themselves and their own accomplishments, and who will take pride and pleasure in serving as a key member of your Success Entourage. This search takes time, but will be well worth the wait.

Expect the best! Don’t settle for less.


About the Author:

Dr. E. Carol Webster is a clinical psychologist consultant in Fort Lauderdale, FL.
She is author of the book for those dealing with the stress of success ―
Success Management: How to Get to the Top and Keep Your Sanity Once You Get There,

The Fear of Success: Stop It From Stopping You! ―
the book to help you overcome fears that may be holding you back in your life and career
The Private Practice of Clinical Psychology in: Voices of Historical & Contemporary Black American Pioneers
To contact Dr. Webster visit online at or call 954.797.9766.

E. Carol Webster, Ph.D.
Clinical Psychology Consulting
Mailing Address: 7027 West Broward Boulevard, #262  Fort Lauderdale, FL 33317

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