Dread Mother’s Day because you have a rocky or nonexistent relationship with your kids? Don’t fret ― you have plenty of company! Many Moms feel this way. But don’t waste emotional energy dwelling on what your children aren’t doing to honor your special day. Make the day special yourself!
Do What Makes You Happy
Rather than waiting for your children to plan a wonderful day for you when they haven’t in the past, plan it yourself! Some mothers look for their spouses to do this because they may have organized great celebrations when your kids were young. But once your children grow up, it’s not up to your significant other or extended family to do this, though they’re to be congratulated if they step in to do this for you. Plan the day yourself. Organize festivities that you like and enjoy a wonderful day!
If you can’t think of a fun day for yourself or just don’t want to, join a friend or relative’s celebration. Many Moms feel: “The more the merrier” in making their day special, and will be delighted to include you. Go and enjoy their festivities! Or suggest to several friends that you all get together to celebrate the day. Sure, the focus isn’t exclusively on you when you join in with others, but you still can have a great time.
Forget Trying To Change Your Kids
While it may hurt your feelings, accept the reality that children have many reasons for the way they handle special occasions like Mother’s Day or Father’s Day. Some feel: “You’re just doing your job,” so don’t believe there’s any reason to make a fuss over you one day a year. Many are simply self-absorbed and give short shrift to you like they do to many other people and occasions. They feel you should be pleased with anything they do ― even if it isn’t much and doesn’t measure up to the custom of honoring you on Mother’s Day. Sometimes, they just haven’t bothered to spend any time thinking about what might make you happy, and may do a tad bit better once you express your general expectations without dictating what they should do. But some children are downright angry because of baggage in their relationship with you, so they don’t do anything because they don’t feel you deserve it. A family therapy consultation would help to identify these issues, but don’t go into this demanding that they change. Often they believe strongly that you’re the one who needs to change in order to right perceived wrongs from the past. If you don’t agree, accept that they’re entitled to their feelings and that they may never let this anger go.
Don’t let Mother’s Day be a bummer just because your kids don’t follow tradition in planning a special day for you. And don’t keep waiting year after year for this to change. There are plenty of ways to enjoy your day, so treat yourself!
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About the Author:
Dr. E. Carol Webster is a clinical psychologist consultant specializing in Success Psychology.
She is author of the book for those dealing with the stress of success ―
Success Management: How to Get to the Top and Keep Your Sanity Once You Get There,
The Fear of Success: Stop It From Stopping You! ―
the book to help you overcome fears that may be holding you back in your life and career
The Private Practice of Clinical Psychology in: Voices of Historical & Contemporary Black American Pioneers
E. Carol Webster, Ph.D.
Your Success Psychologist!
Clinical Psychology Consulting
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