Are You A Pushover?

Posted by on Jan 27, 2005 in Success!Ezine For You



E. Carol Webster, Ph.D.
Original Copyright © 2005

If you’re tired of being pushed around in life, start by realizing that things don’t have to stay this way. You can learn how to assert yourself so that people stop imposing their will upon you. More importantly, it’s important for you to learn how to speak up so that you can get what you want for a change.

  • Identify What You Want

People can’t meet your needs if they don’t know what they are. Often this is why others get their way all the time. They’re clear about what they want and don’t hesitate to say so. They keep taking and taking and view your lack of objection as “permission” to do so. Take stock of your feelings. What do you want to do? What do you want to say? Start getting in touch with interests and desires.

  • Ask For What You Need

Once you know what you want, you can pursue new goals for yourself and enlist the help of others when necessary. Ask for what you want. This may be a raise at work. It may be more time with your spouse. There’s no guarantee you’ll get what you ask for. But, you’re guaranteed not to get it if you don’t ask.

  • Don’t Cave In From Criticism

When you speak up and make your feelings known, you open yourself up to criticism. This is why many people keep their mouth shut – because they’re afraid of criticism. Afraid others will put them down or reject them in some other way. Learn from the feedback you receive. Try again. We express ourselves better and learn how to get people to see things our way when we have to re-think and re-work things. While no one relishes criticism, rest assured that that you will survive it.

  • Push Back

When you’ve been pushed around all your life, you have to learn how to push back – verbally, that is. Stand up for yourself when someone is mowing over you. It’s okay to say “no”. If you’re at work and your colleague insists: “It’s your job to handle this”, take a minute to look at what’s being shoved in your face and respond: “You may be right, but I’ll have to look it over and let you know.”; If it’s not your responsibility, give it back. If you’re at home and your spouse bellows: “Get ready! I’ve made dinner reservations and we’re going to be late!” it’s fine to respond: “That was very nice of you, but you didn’t ask if I wanted to go, so give me a minute to see if I care to go along.” You have needs, rights and feelings too and it is up to you to see that people respect them – and you!

About the Author:

Dr. E. Carol Webster is a clinical psychologist consultant in Fort Lauderdale, FL.
She is author of the book for those dealing with the stress of success ―
Success Management: How to Get to the Top and Keep Your Sanity Once You Get There,

The Fear of Success: Stop It From Stopping You!
the book to help you overcome fears that may be holding you back in your life and career
The Private Practice of Clinical Psychology in: Voices of Historical & Contemporary Black American Pioneers
To contact Dr. Webster visit online at or call 954.797.9766.

E. Carol Webster, Ph.D.
Clinical Psychology Consulting
Mailing Address: 7027 West Broward Boulevard, #262  Fort Lauderdale, FL 33317

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