Successful
Doesn't Mean Unfaithful
Say "Later" If "Player" Doesn't Stop
Affairs
E. Carol Webster, Ph.D.
Copyright © 2004
Are you putting up with infidelity because you
believe all “successful” people fool around? Don’t believe the hype. Just
because your spouse or partner is considered a “celebrity” who is held in
high esteem and is in great demand by many people in the community doesn’t
mean he or she must take advantage of the attention and have affairs. On
the contrary, it is important to remember that there are many couples who
are proudly celebrating 25th Silver and 50th Golden
wedding anniversaries who have consistently remained faithful to one
another throughout the years -- though they don’t get as much publicity
or, sadly, as much misguided admiration as the more negative,
stereotypical “players” who cheat on their partners. You can have a
healthy, long-term relationship too and must start by expecting only the
best.
Keep Your Standards High: Expect A
Commitment
Whether you are dating or are married, you should
expect your mate to be committed to you. This means supportive of your
needs, ambitions and dreams, as well as faithful to you sexually. The
belief that “All Men Are Dogs” or that “She’s Gotta Have It” and that you
just have to put up with cheating can become a self-fulfilling prophecy
when the entire community begins to accept this as “truth” and grants
permission for widespread infidelity. Don’t feel desperate. You deserve to
be in a relationship with a person who has the emotional and sexual
maturity to control their behavior and to value the importance of the
relationship they have with you. This requires mutual respect and
reciprocity, as well as a strong commitment to the long-term survival and
success of the relationship. Don’t settle for less.
Say “Later” if the “Player” Doesn’t Stop
Affairs
Though some infidelity occurs because of sexual
addiction, in most cases the individual is making a choice to have
an affair. The headiness of success can cause some people to believe that
they no longer have to follow the rules and that they can have the
security of a relationship while enjoying others on the side, too. They
get a lot of attention because of their great success and “celebrity”
status, and feel compelled to take advantage of all flirtations and
seductions simply because they are available. Many feel very desirable and
in demand for the first time in their lives, and enjoy the role of being a
“player” and the excitement of clever manipulations and mind games. Though
typically the individual doesn’t take their flings seriously, these
affairs cause great distress and devastation, especially once the
indiscretions become known, and seriously betray the commitment made to
you. Stop believing that this disrespect and emotional abuse must be
tolerated because “that’s just the way it is”. Say “later” to the player
if he or she won’t stop the infidelity or get help to learn how to do so.
Successful people strive for excellence in all they do – and that means
letting go of some ego and instant pleasures to stay committed in their
relationships too!
