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Feature Article

Prepare For The Impact Of Success On Your Personal Life
Dr. E. Carol Webster
Copyright © 1997, 2003

It is important to realize that as you become more successful, your level of stress will increase. Becoming more well known in your company, in the community, means that people’s expectations of you will quadruple. You will cope better if you prepare for these changes and make personal and lifestyle changes that help you deal with the new load. Expect the following:

As you become successful, people know who you are. They recognize you even though you may not know who they are. This means that the way you present yourself in public is critical.

You may feel that you are under observation at all times. The higher your level of success, the more people will keep tabs on what you’re doing, how you’re doing it, and how they can benefit from it too. Mistakes, bad habits, or acts of poor judgment will be noticed quickly and may be highlighted or blown out of proportion by your adversaries.

You will find it harder to find time to be with your spouse, children and other family members. They’ll complain because you’re not around for all the celebrations, school performances and family gatherings the way you used to be. They may not understand why your business dictates that you leave before dawn for meetings and return well after everyone is asleep. Friends may complain that they’re being neglected and that you’ve become a snob.

You may question whether people invite you to social functions because they really like you or because of who you are and what you can do for them. You may find yourself resentful that everyone wants something from you.

The pressure of being "on stage" all the time, and having to put up with the constant demands of other people, may cause you to question whether the hard work you put into being successful was worth it. You may have expected to feel free, exhilarated, and able to take it easy once you made it to the top. Instead, you may feel more confined, trapped and let down. Your life is probably a lot more complicated, your time is not your own, and you may wish you could go back to the old days when you felt happier, more content and in control.

You can manage the stresses of success by preparing for the fact that your life is going to be different and adjust your expectations and behavior accordingly.

Clean up your business image.

Project an image of self-confidence, self-assurance and competence at all times. Your business image means your general appearance, quality of communication and behavior even when you feel that you’re on your own time, such as at the grocery store or at a social event. Be prepared to suffer negative consequences if you have too many drinks or behave inappropriately when you’re with others. You will be saying a lot about yourself through your behavior, and it is important that what you say is perceived in a positive light. Be sure you are projecting the kind of image that builds your business and your reputation.

Set limits on the demands of success.

If it is important to you to have some sort of personal life, and it should be, make time for one. Just don’t expect to be available to do all of the things you used to do. Identify your business priorities, say "no" to requests that fall outside of them, and use the time you have freed up to take better care of yourself or to enjoy the time with your family and friends. Everyone will try to place demands upon you as you become more successful. You must know when to say "no".

Don’t be afraid to downshift.

If your new level of success continues to be a disappointment, it’s OK to make a change. Sometimes, this means looking for a new job or selling your business. Don’t be afraid to pursue alternatives. You may feel happier doing something else, and find that you prefer being less of a celebrity. High levels of success are the stuff of dreams, but they’re not for everyone. Know your limit and move on if life at the top is not for you.

About the Author: 
Dr. E. Carol Webster is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Fort Lauderdale, FL and is author of 
Success Management: How to Get to the Top and Keep Your Sanity Once You Get There and The Fear of Success: Stop It From Stopping You!

Ask Dr. Webster....

Dear Dr. Webster:

I am very fond of a particular employee of mine, but lately he has been taking a lot of time off from work – usually Mondays and Fridays, while accomplishing less and less when he’s in the office. Sometimes I could swear I smell alcohol on his breath, but I've been reluctant to say anything about this because I don’t want to offend him. The rest of my staff is beginning to complain that he’s not pulling his weight because we’re in a very stressful production phase and some people have said he’s letting himself go compared to how meticulous he was about his appearance and his work in the past. Any suggestions?

-- Concerned Boss

Dear Concerned Boss:

You're clearly a compassionate person, but this is not a social relationship and you must remember that your employee is being paid to do a job. Certainly employees are entitled to take accumulated time off and to do what they please in their private lives. However, things appear to be spilling over onto the job with this employee and, from all indications, this person is experiencing some type of problem. Often this is depression, which can be occurring for many reasons. Alcohol abuse or more severe alcoholism frequently accompanies this as the individual tries to cope but after a while the drinking begins to take on a life of its own. Your employee probably doesn’t get much relief from taking a day off here and there, so an additional day becomes necessary even after resting several days over the weekend. Work then begins to cut into the drinking time and, before you know it, more and more time becomes necessary to keep the drinking going.

Even when alcohol is not an issue, many stressed or depressed employees start taking more time off to try to soothe their nerves and unhappiness but because they're not getting to the root of the problem, they could take 6 months off and still feel terrible. Therefore, the kindest and most effective thing you can do is to help your employee remember that the responsibility each of you has is to conduct the necessary business of the organization. If he can resume sufficient productivity to do this, then fine. But this is unlikely. Make a referral to the EAP so that your employee can get help and address the reasons for this decline in performance. He’ll feel better once he starts getting help, your team will be less resentful, and ultimately, your department can get its schedule of work back on track.

--Dr. Webster

Got a Question?

Ask Dr. Webster

Success Motivator

Whatever reason you have for not being somebody, there's somebody who had that same problem and overcame it.

-- Barbara Reynolds

Success Tip

Never Join Forces With A Loser!

"When you are trying to get ahead and meet a loser obstructing you, you discover that you argue from different points of view. Losers see the struggle as existing between them and other people, not within themselves. Thus they strive to put you down. Being aware of this can help you manage them. In your early struggle to win, you are most vulnerable and may seek the company of others for the safety of belonging to a group. But don't let losers include you in their failures!"

From the book:
Winning
 by David Viscott, M.D.
Pocket Books, New York, 1972

Success!Ezine
E. Carol Webster, Ph.D.
Clinical Psychology
drcarolwebster.com
954.797.9766
SuccessEzine@drcarolwebster.com

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