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Feature Article

Successful Doesn't Mean Unfaithful
Say "Later" If "Player" Doesn't Stop Affairs
Dr. E. Carol Webster
Copyright © 2004

 Are you putting up with infidelity because you believe all “successful” people fool around? Don’t believe the hype. Just because your spouse or partner is considered a “celebrity” who is held in high esteem and is in great demand by many people in the community doesn’t mean he or she must take advantage of the attention and have affairs. On the contrary, it is important to remember that there are many couples who are proudly celebrating 25^th Silver and 50^th Golden wedding anniversaries who have consistently remained faithful to one another throughout the years -- though they don’t get as much publicity or, sadly, as much misguided admiration as the more negative, stereotypical “players” who cheat on their partners. You can have a healthy, long-term relationship too and must start by expecting only the best.  

Keep Your Standards High: Expect A Commitment

 Whether you are dating or are married, you should expect your mate to be committed to you. This means supportive of your needs, ambitions and dreams, as well as faithful to you sexually. The belief that “All Men Are Dogs” or that “She’s Gotta Have It” and that you just have to put up with cheating can become a self-fulfilling prophecy when the entire community begins to accept this as “truth” and grants permission for widespread infidelity. Don’t feel desperate. You deserve to be in a relationship with a person who has the emotional and sexual maturity to control their behavior and to value the importance of the relationship they have with you. This requires mutual respect and reciprocity, as well as a strong commitment to the long-term survival and success of the relationship. Don’t settle for less.

Say “Later” if the “Player” Doesn’t Stop Affairs

 Though some infidelity occurs because of sexual addiction, in most cases the individual is making a choice to have an affair. The headiness of success can cause some people to believe that they no longer have to follow the rules and that they can have the security of a relationship while enjoying others on the side, too. They get a lot of attention because of their great success and “celebrity” status, and feel compelled to take advantage of all flirtations and seductions simply because they are available. Many feel very desirable and in demand for the first time in their lives, and enjoy the role of being a “player” and the excitement of clever manipulations and mind games. Though typically the individual doesn’t take their flings seriously, these affairs cause great distress and devastation, especially once the indiscretions become known, and seriously betray the commitment made to you. Stop believing that this disrespect and emotional abuse must be tolerated because “that’s just the way it is”. Say “later” to the player if he or she won’t stop the infidelity or get help to learn how to do so. Successful people strive for excellence in all they do – and that means letting go of some ego and instant pleasures to stay committed in their relationships too!

About the Author: 
Dr. E. Carol Webster is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Fort Lauderdale, FL and is author of 
Success Management: How to Get to the Top and Keep Your Sanity Once You Get There and The Fear of Success: Stop It From Stopping You!

Ask Dr. Webster....

Dear Dr. Webster:

I’m asked to serve on a lot of Boards and enjoy the affiliation with the movers and shakers in my community. But I find that I can’t keep up with all the activities and donations required and feel really bad about this. How do people manage it all?

 -- Not Pulling My Weight

 Dear Not Pulling My Weight:

It really is true that if you want to get something done - ask a busy person to do it. Busy folks have learned to effectively multitask and juggle many responsibilities at once. They make time for the obligations they have agreed to take on – even if it means putting themselves out and sacrificing their own free time and convenience. Often people do not view their Board service in this way and, while enjoying the status, business contacts and other satisfactions of their role, don’t really want to work that hard. If this describes you, you should rethink your service and make room for someone who really wants to advance the goals of the organization. Some people feel it’s enough that they show up for meetings, but don’t understand that a lot of work often needs to go on in between. In all-volunteer organizations, for example, Board members may be the only ones to do it!

 As for the donations - that’s a tough one if your resources are limited. Before agreeing to serve next time, you should assume there will be a cost at some level – whether directly in terms of financial or other tangible contributions and/or indirectly in terms of your time, expertise or other variables. You are a steward of the organization who is ultimately responsible for its success, so expect to do more - not less - to make this success happen.

--Dr. Webster

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Success Motivator

All futures are erected out of a past.

-- Asa Hilliard

Success Tip

How To Spot A Winner

Winners surround themselves with other winners. A Winner knows he's a winner. He doesn't need second-raters and yes-men around to feed his ego. He knows he'll win more, and go farther, with associates who not only can keep up with him but who also are capable of teaching him something.

From the book:
Swim With The Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive

 by
Harvey Mackay

Success!Ezine
E. Carol Webster, Ph.D.
Clinical Psychology
DrCarolWebster.com
954.797.9766
SuccessEzine@DrCarolWebster.com

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