Constant Complainer?

E. Carol Webster, Ph.D. 
Copyright ©  2008

Colleagues not returning your calls? Giving you short shrift at networking events? Your negativity may be running them away. If all you talk about is problems, dwell on disaster, and look as though you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, expect others to flee. Most people feel they have enough of their own problems to worry about and the last thing they want is to take on yours!

Quit the griping. Nothing good will come of it. Being around a whiner is a downer, and no one wants to linger where their mood is being dragged down. Listen to yourself. Make a conscious effort to stop yourself in your tracks each time you hear yourself talking about what’s going wrong in your life or in the world. And watch your body language too. Knitted brows, frowns, and stooped demeanor are not inviting and suggest that you’re not going to have much upbeat to say, so straighten up, try to put on your best smile and, at least for the moment, force yourself to keep the complaints under wraps. Say nothing if you don’t have anything beneficial to contribute to a conversation.

Talking about your own complaints is downer enough – don’t make matters worse by complaining about others. Keep these critiques to yourself. This may be hard because the more negative you feel, the more you’ll want to pull others down to join you. And, unfortunately, it works! You can singlehandedly drag the entire office into the dumps by “infecting” everyone with your negativity. The enthusiasm and exuberance of new employees often is dashed by those with chronic axes to grind and this toxicity can taint the morale of the most devoted long-timers. 

Though there are many things you can’t control, you are not powerless. Stop blaming others and ask yourself what you’re going to do about the challenges you face. Start with the smaller problems you can tackle easily and do something about them. Then chip away at the more weighty problems. You may only be able to take baby steps today, but some action is better than none. Taking action also gives you something positive to take credit for and to talk about that is more upbeat and uplifting. If you just can’t break out of the negativity on your own, get professional help. This will help you get moving to solve the problems that plague you so you can find pleasure in your life again. 

 There are many things in life that contribute to negativity and everyone has days when all they can seem to do is complain. But if you have become known as one who whines all the time, you need to do something about this. Your friends, family, and colleagues will run from you as you become a downer – causing you to feel more isolated, alone, and unhappy. Plenty of help is available from your EAP and private mental health professionals, so take a “first step” and contact them today!

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