Have taxing, fair weather friends? You’re not alone. Most networks include people who get on your nerves or are nowhere to be found when you need them. It may be difficult for you to kick these chums to the curb because they’ve been in your life for years, but when they really start to get you down, it’s time for them to go.
Friends Who Are A Drain
Some friends make you want to run for the hills whenever you see them coming. Their life is always a mess and you spend hours trying to help them get it together. Predictably, they ignore all your suggestions and make the same poor decisions repeatedly. But when you keep conversations short to avoid talking about their problems, they blow up your phone with messages and camp out on your doorstep. They don’t do this when you have a need, and usually don’t even recognize that you have problems of your own. The best favor you can do for these friends is to recommend a good therapist. Its okay to sound like a broken record since they probably won’t be listening anyway.
Friends Who Are a Pain
Other friends have less turmoil in their lives, but are simply self-absorbed. Their only interest is in themselves. They whine if you don’t support their activities, but are missing in action when it’s time to put any effort into yours. They forget your special occasions and offer lame excuses when you confront them about this. Though you enjoy spending time with them, you realize that the one-sidedness of the relationship is not healthy for you. Balance the selfishness of this friendship with others that are more nourishing and supportive.
Though you may not want to admit it to yourself, some of your friends maneuvered to get into your network because of your success and stature as a “celebrity” ― in your company, community, or elsewhere. You may love them to death, but wonder why you don’t see them or hear from them as often as you used to. This can cause particular hurt because these pals were so attentive and indulging of you previously. Some may have been outright panderers. But friends that are “groupies” move on when your star is stagnant or is fading. If they’re genuinely fond of you and weren’t just faking it, they may remain connected. Just understand that they’ll be putting more energy into the new star they’re chasing.
Flaky friendships can get you down, so don’t cling on for dear life. Get out and meet new folks. Sure, this takes work, but friends should be fortifying and uplifting. When they become a drag, it may be time to cool your contact or ditch them altogether.
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About the Author:
Dr. E. Carol Webster is a clinical psychologist consultant specializing in Success Psychology.
She is author of the book for those dealing with the stress of success ―
Success Management: How to Get to the Top and Keep Your Sanity Once You Get There,
The Fear of Success: Stop It From Stopping You! ―
the book to help you overcome fears that may be holding you back in your life and career
The Private Practice of Clinical Psychology in: Voices of Historical & Contemporary Black American Pioneers
E. Carol Webster, Ph.D.
Your Success Psychologist!
Clinical Psychology Consulting
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