DR. E. CAROL WEBSTER’S
SOME FRIENDSHIPS ARE NOT FUN
E. Carol Webster, Ph.D.
Original Copyright © 2013
Like many folks, your social life may be focused on children and family but, whether you have children or not, take time to enjoy your friends. Time spent with them can be cathartic and relaxing, and can invigorate your mind and spirit too. Not feeling uplifted after spending time with your friends? Just who are you socializing with these days?
If you have a high profile, you probably spend a lot of time with people who can help your career. They enjoy talking about your next step up in life and are very strategic in laying out recommendations and plans. Because it is advantageous for you to include them in your social activities, you probably consider them friends. This may include management if you’re in a traditional job. But the focus of their conversations likely feels like “work” because that’s exactly what it is. Your advocates are doing what they’re supposed to do by viewing every occasion as an opportunity to talk about your future and to advise you of opportunities – even at your pool party if they think it’s a critical discussion. So you must remember to be “on stage” and to watch your behavior whether you want to or not. This doesn’t promote relaxation and rejuvenation, and probably isn’t a lot of fun either.
As with Promoters, time spent with Groupies is not likely to be a lot of fun either. Though they are your most ardent “fans,” they tend to pop up uninvited and to hang around wherever you are. You may include them in activities or allow them to join in your gatherings because they are devotees, donors, voters, and other supporters. But they force you to be “on stage” when they are present because you have to project a positive image. So this is not a time to let loose. And forget about “being yourself”. That’s not the image they admire. This can cause all the small talk and chit chat to feel like “work”. Though this is a necessary burden, these “friends” are here today but will be gone tomorrow if there is any decline in your success.
Whiners and Complainers
Whether friends, family, or work buddies, you may need to consider these folks toxic if their conversations consist of persistent whining and complaining each time you get together. It’s tough to enjoy the time you spend with them because it leaves you feeling emotionally drained and exhausted. And these types of friendships rarely work both ways. You may be able to put up with them in small doses. But put some time and space between you and these friends. Surround yourself with more positive, uplifting people during the little downtime you have.
Friends are a pleasure to have in your life. But understand the real difference between those you can socialize with who allow you to emotionally escape from work and other problems to unwind and enjoy yourself, versus those who are well-intentioned but are a real drain.
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About the Author:
Dr. E. Carol Webster, Your Success Psychologist!, is a clinical psychologist consultant.
She is author of the book for those dealing with the stress of success ―
Success Management: How to Get to the Top and Keep Your Sanity Once You Get There,
The Fear of Success: Stop It From Stopping You! ―
the book to help you overcome fears that may be holding you back in your life and career
The Private Practice of Clinical Psychology in: Voices of Historical & Contemporary Black American Pioneers
To contact Dr. Webster visit online at http://drcarolwebster.com or call 954.797.9766.
E. Carol Webster, Ph.D.
Your Success Psychologist!
Clinical Psychology Consulting
Mailing Address: 7027 West Broward Boulevard, #262 Fort Lauderdale, FL 33317
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