DR. E. CAROL WEBSTER’S
ANOTHER VALENTINE’S DAY ALONE?
ORGANIZE SOME FUN!
E. Carol Webster, Ph.D.
Original Copyright © 2004
Another Valentine’s Day alone? Bummers if you’re eager to be in a relationship and things just haven’t been working out. Many men complain that “there are no good women out there” and just as many women lament that “there aren’t enough good men to go around”. The problem of finding someone compatible is worsened by the fact that jobs are demanding longer hours and often you’re too tired to engage in the type of activities that would help you meet potential dating partners. But, if you spent Valentine’s Day alone last year feeling resentful and depressed, take charge of the situation this year and organize something fun to do instead.
Contact Other Singles
You’ve got plenty of company. Lots of folks are not in relationships and, like you, they too dread spending days that gush romance – like Valentine’s Day – alone. These don’t have to be your best buddies, but they should be people you enjoy or whom you think will be fun. And do include both men and women if this will make the occasion more enjoyable. Dig out those phone numbers and e-mail addresses and see who’s free to hang out on Valentine’s Day.
Set Ground Rules: No Whining
Don’t encourage a “pity party” by inviting only those who will spend the whole time focusing on how bad the dating scene is and feeling victimized. You are getting together to feel uplifted and empowered, not downtrodden and defeated, so don’t dwell on what you don’t have. Enjoy your friends!
Organize Some Fun
What are your common interests? Where would it be fun to go? Might be as simple as gathering at someone’s house for a get together, dining out, or taking in a movie. Or, many folks find it fun to spontaneously put together a weekend junket to ski, surf, see a Broadway show, or to enjoy some other spot for a mini-vacation. Give yourself permission to splurge a little if your circumstances will allow this. That’s the upside of working so hard – you have some money to play with. The key psychological message you want to give yourself is that it’s not essential to be in a love relationship in order to have fun in your life – even though you really might prefer to have one.
Keep Your Dating Standards High
People can be particularly vulnerable around times like Valentine’s Day to throwing themselves into a relationship no matter what. They forego longstanding preferences in a mate just for the sake of being able to say they have a companion and, of course, feel increasingly bitter and annoyed as these less desirable characteristics begin to get on their nerves. Keep your standards high – even if that means you’ll be alone for a bit longer. Yes, people may accuse you of being a snob, but having preferred qualities you’d like your partner to possess is different from being stuck up or feeling superior to others. After all, if things go well, you’ll be spending your life with this person and you certainly want that to be someone you can stand to look at and be with everyday!
Resist the Easy Dates
Feeling desperate to have some type of relationship may tempt you to trawl the office environment in search of a mate. Resist the temptation. This is especially true if your company only has one organizational division or only one physical location. It is most definitely true if you have any authority over the individual, they over you, or if you influence or impact each other’s jobs in any way. In addition to potential employment law problems, these relationships are fraught with emotional entanglements and difficulties that can be next to impossible to unravel and move beyond when things don’t work out – and very often they don’t. But they’re easy to fall into because you see each other all the time, don’t have to work so hard at getting together, and many people with limited time and often limited social skills are drawn to these types of relationships. Whether it’s your job or a relatively close-knit organization that you participate in regularly, try to anticipate the types of situations that will be uncomfortable or downright miserable for you or the other person if things go sour. Yes, I know: that’s going to eliminate a lot of social situations you participate in, but that’s okay. Let the job remain the place where you work, let business and professional organizations serve their respective purposes, and build your dating relationships elsewhere.
Stick With A Good Thing
Once Valentine’s Day is over, keep the momentum going if your group had fun and wants to get together again. Build on what you’ve started. Plan something else, invite others and see what happens. If you have fun, you will have avoided another lonely time at home alone. If you happen to meet someone of interest – that will be an extra benefit.
About the Author:
Dr. E. Carol Webster is a clinical psychologist consultant in Fort Lauderdale, FL.
She is author of the book for those dealing with the stress of success ―
Success Management: How to Get to the Top and Keep Your Sanity Once You Get There,
The Fear of Success: Stop It From Stopping You! ―
the book to help you overcome fears that may be holding you back in your life and career
The Private Practice of Clinical Psychology in: Voices of Historical & Contemporary Black American Pioneers
To contact Dr. Webster visit online at http://drcarolwebster.com or call 954.797.9766.
E. Carol Webster, Ph.D.
Clinical Psychology Consulting
Mailing Address: 7027 West Broward Boulevard, #262 Fort Lauderdale, FL 33317
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